All the Teasers for Jessica Jones, Ranked By Annoyingness
The new Netflix/Marvel series Jessica Jones premieres Nov. 20 on the streaming service, and judging by how the trailer roll-out has gone, you’ll need to wait until that date exactly to learn about anything that’s actually happening in this series.
What we do know is that Krysten Ritter plays the titular Jones, a private investigator with physical abilities leftover from that time she used to be a superhero. After a traumatic experience, Jones left the hero game behind, but she’s still ultra strong and has advanced healing powers, which probably comes in very handy as the head of Alias Investigations. Jones’ story is the dark aftermath of what happens to supers who’ve seen too much, making her one of Marvel’s more interesting characters, and a very cool choice to build a series around. So it really is too bad the people marketing the show don’t want to tell us anything about it.
The fifth teaser for Jones dropped today, and it’s only marginally more interesting than the ones we’ve already seen. But they must have been feeling a little more generous in the trailer cutting room, because we get to see Ritter’s entire face for the very first time! In honor of this momentous occasion, here are all of the teasers for Jessica Jones we’ve seen so far, ranked from most to least annoying. Enjoy, or something!
“Evening Stroll,” released Oct. 6
Come on now. This is the fourth teaser and it dropped two days ago. It’s absolutely the most annoying because why are we still doing the moody one-minute scene-setting thing?! We know she has powers. We know she works at Alias Investigations. But fortunately now we know it’s on the 5th floor of a building. We trust Krysten Ritter; just let her be Jessica Jones already, dammit!
“Nightcap,” released Sept. 30
This one was pretty annoying because after two tiny teasers we wanted something more—something like an actual trailer. The concept is fun. Jessica walks through a barroom wasteland of bodies we can only assume she’s left behind. She’s cool. She’s tough. But for being three clips deep by this point, seeing only her boots goes beyond tease territory into “getting really frustrated.” You’re not making us feel respected, Netflix.
“Good Morning,” released Sept. 26
“Good Morning” is only middle-of-the-road frustrating because it was just the second teaser. It gets to be vague, and the one-handed clock smash was an endearing move. But had we known at the time we’d be in for four more of these non-event clips a month into the marketing campaign we wouldn’t have been so cool with it at the time.
“All in a Day’s Work,” released Oct. 8
The latest teaser gets close to the “Least Annoying” marker based entirely on the fact that it has Jones’ whole face—finally—and a voice that isn’t just someone singing. But the bar is pretty low at this point. Anything more than just ambience is a welcome change, but for real: Is Jessica Jones going to talk in this show at all? Did Ritter know when she signed on that Marvel and Netflix didn’t want her to be a speaking person? “Day’s Work” gives us the most material we’ve seen so far, but it’s still pretty annoying because it feels like we’ve been standing on this damn Jessica Jones treadmill forever, and five clips in we want a real live trailer.
“It’s Time,” released Sept. 10
“It’s Time” followed the standard first-teaser convention of giving you nothing but getting you excited with visual stimuli. And despite being animated and mostly still-frames, it’s the closest thing we’ve seen to real action in any of the Jessica Jones clips. Congratulations, “It’s Time”! You’re the least annoying teaser so far because you had zero expectations placed on you. A job well done.