In the last few weeks, the legal feud between Hulk Hogan and Gawker—which recently lost a $140 million lawsuit brought on by the wrestler, after Gawker published snippets of a Hogan-starring sex tape—has gotten deeply weird. Is it as deep or weird as that scene of someone throwing a dog in the ocean during Hogan’s 1993 film Mr. Nanny? Yep! Maybe even more so. In fact, the Hogan-Gawker blow-up has had so many twists and turns—including the revelations about billionaire Peter Thiel’s plans to secretly bankroll Gawker’s demise—that it’s probably only a matter of time before Hollywood decides to put together its own version of the saga. Here are our best guesses as to who will top-line Kathryn Bigelow’s Gawk-Blocked, coming to theaters June 23, 2018. (“It’s the Thiel-good hit of the year!” raves the ghost of Joel Siegel.)

The Puppetmaster

THE ROLE: Total rock-star Peter Thiel, the slightly robotic hacker-lover trying to drive Gawker out of town.
THE PLAYER: Total Recall’s Johnny Cab, the sly robot hack trying to drive Arnold Schwarzenegger out of town.

Visual China Group/Getty Images; Ronald Grant Archive/Alamy

THE ROLE: Total rock-star Peter Thiel, the slightly robotic hacker-lover trying to drive Gawker out of town.
THE PLAYER: Total Recall’s Johnny Cab, the sly robot hack trying to drive Arnold Schwarzenegger out of town.

The Defendant

THE ROLE: Nick Denton, the silver-stubbled, European-born tabloid titan who’s a bit of a careless diss-stirrer.
THE PLAYER: George Michael, the silver-stubbled, European-born tabloid target who’s a bit of a careless whisperer.

Fred Lee/ABC/Getty Images; Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

THE ROLE: Nick Denton, the silver-stubbled, European-born tabloid titan who’s a bit of a careless diss-stirrer.
THE PLAYER: George Michael, the silver-stubbled, European-born tabloid target who’s a bit of a careless whisperer.

The Wrestler

THE ROLE: Hulk Hogan, the 60-something ring-warrior whose panting escapades have been caught on tape, and who has a penchant for bushy ‘staches.
THE PLAYER: Mel Gibson, the 60-something road warrior whose ranting escapades have been caught on tape, and who has a penchant for bushsy ‘staches.

Tim Boyles/Getty Images; Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images For J/P Haitian Relief Organization and Cinema For Peace

THE ROLE: Hulk Hogan, the 60-something ring-warrior whose panting escapades have been caught on tape, and who has a penchant for bushy ‘staches.
THE PLAYER: Mel Gibson, the 60-something road warrior whose ranting escapades have been caught on tape, and who has a penchant for bushsy ‘staches.

The Editor

THE ROLE: A.J. Daulerio, the Deadspinning, ethically iffy bad boy editor known for wanting things his way.
THE PLAYER: Kevin Richardson, the hit-spinning, effortlessly spiffy Backstreet Boy known for wanting it that way.

Steve Nesius/Pool/AP; Brian van der Brug/Los Angeles Times/Getty Images

THE ROLE: A.J. Daulerio, the Deadspinning, ethically iffy bad boy editor known for wanting things his way.
THE PLAYER: Kevin Richardson, the hit-spinning, effortlessly spiffy Backstreet Boy known for wanting it that way.

The Other Editor

THE ROLE: John Cook, the peen-sharing, pro-Gawker enthusiast who’s inspired some tut-tutting among his peers.
THE PLAYER: John Cook, the green-staring pro-golf enthusiast who’s inspired some put-putting among his peers.

Hiroko Masuike/The New York Times/Redux; Mason Levinson/Bloomberg/Getty Images

THE ROLE: John Cook, the peen-sharing, pro-Gawker enthusiast who’s inspired some tut-tutting among his peers.
THE PLAYER: John Cook, the green-staring pro-golf enthusiast who’s inspired some put-putting among his peers.

The Rich Friend

THE ROLE: Elon Musk, the mega-rich Peter-pal with a thing for cruisers.
THE PLAYER: Seth MacFarlane, the mega-rich Peter-pal with a thing for crooners.

HEIKO JUNGE/AFP/Getty Images; Al Seib/Los Angeles Times/Getty Images

THE ROLE: Elon Musk, the mega-rich Peter-pal with a thing for cruisers.
THE PLAYER: Seth MacFarlane, the mega-rich Peter-pal with a thing for crooners.

The Shock Jock

THE ROLE: Bubba The Love Sponge, the cartoonish, shock-jock lover-boy whose life was turned inside out.
THE PLAYER: Uku the Volcano, the cartoon pocked-rock lava-boy whose life was featured before Inside Out.

James Borchuck/The Tampa Bay Times/AP; Pixar/Disney

THE ROLE: Bubba The Love Sponge, the cartoonish, shock-jock lover-boy whose life was turned inside out.
THE PLAYER: Uku the Volcano, the cartoon pocked-rock lava-boy whose life was featured before Inside Out.

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Gawker vs Thiel: The Movie