Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that’s taken over our lives.

What is he wearing?

Apple/YouTubes screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

I was so hoping for more horror.

Last week, when Apple released its first teaser for iPhone 7, there was foreboding, lightning and frightening.

In subsequent ads, I at least expected a scare and a little gore.

Sadly, Cupertino hasn’t gone quite that far in two ads released on Sunday.

It has, though, kept the slightly darker mood of the teaser.

In one ad, it’s a dark and stormy morning. Thunder and lightning are casting their dismal spells all around.

But our intrepid hero isn’t scared. That’s because he’s intrepid and, of course, has a new black iPhone.

Intrepid men do only one thing every morning: they get on their bikes and annoy people in cars. So, now that the iPhone is water-resistant, our hero can do this and perch his iPhone on his handlebars for solace.

In the second ad, it’s midnight. A young man is alone in a miserable suburban town.

What is a young man to do at this hour but grab his skateboard and venture out?

He creeps around, taking pictures through sprinklers. Even a young deer is impressed with his new iPhone.

I suspect, though, that what this young man needs is a young dear.

He wanders through the forest and I’m hoping for “Blair Witch,” after all. Instead, the poor boy just wants to photograph the city from on high. Oh, that wonderful low-light camera.

Apple adds a new phrase to these ads: Practically Magic.

The company used to claim a magical revolution. Now it celebrates practicality.

Or is it actually claiming that this phone is practically magical, but doesn’t quite get there?

What has the world come to? A dark place, that’s what.


iPhone 7 practically magical (but not quite), Apple claims in new ads – CNET