The showy cookies, the dreamy lights, and the shiny presents crammed under the wonky Charlie Brown–style tree. You’d think Christmas celebrators were safe and snug. But Christmas has a dark side. Under sprigs of mistletoe, health, money, and love find their painful ends. The numbers speak for themselves.

The average person will gain one pound over the holiday, and they’re not likely to ever lose it. Ever. Remember that time you downed an entire batch of Christmas cookies while watching Home Alone? They’re still hanging on your hips. The American population spends an average of $617 billion on Christmas presents—more than half the $1.1 trillion budget for the US government. (You could have been paying for education. Why do you hate the children?) And hold on to your heart: Romantic relationships are in more danger of falling apart at Christmas than at any other time of the year.

So, Scrooge, want more evidence that Christmas is trying to kill you? This video will confirm your suspicions.

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The Dark Side of Christmas, by the Numbers