Do you want to hang out with Apple? Because that’s the real reason it’s holding an event Monday, but it’s scared to tell you the truth. Because what if you want more than that? What if you do care about the “best new product ever created” for the hundredth time? In this week’s Mashable Humor video, we brought in its real keynote to tell you what Apple really wants to say to you.

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What big Apple announcement? They might just want to chill with their friends.