What, Exactly, Is a Gerard Butler? A WIRED Investigation
Is Gerard Butler a type of soap?
Nope. According to Dale Wilkinson, an editor at Soap Not-See—a trade publication that identifies what is, and what isn’t, soap—Gerard Butler is not a type of soap.
Huh. Is it an especially bulbous species of sea anemone?
That’s what we thought at first, too. But it doesn’t check out.
Okay. Could it be some sort of Cockney rhyming slang? Maybe it means, like, “fork” or something?
Don’t think so.
A kind of door?
A Japanese cereal?
“Uh-unh” yes, or “Uh-unh” no?
Uh-unh no. There is no uh-unh yes. That’s uh-hunh.
Is it possible Gerard Butler is the name of one of the desert-dwelling Fremen from Frank Herbert’s 1965 novel Dune?
Are you sure?
Yes. We checked.
Oooh, I figured it out.
You think so?
A Gerard Butler is that terrifying new Boston Dynamics robot.
In some ways, yes. In another, more specific way: No.
Is Gerard Butler the lovelorn ant from Antz?
That was a weird movie. The antz were unfunny, and they looked like little burn victims.
Well, either way, none of them were Gerard Butler.
Hmmm. Is Gerard Butler a flashlight?
The shortstop for the 1984 Phillies?
That’s Iván DeJesús.
A talking owl?
Okay, then. Could Gerard Butler be a 46-year-old Scottish actor who—despite several mainstream hits to his credit, and two new movies coming out less than a week apart—remains utterly lacking a recognizable personality, either as an actor and as a celebrity, and thus serves as a prime example of how Hollywood has struggled to create leading men in recent years?
Is Gerard Butler an egg?
No. Gerard Butler is definitely not an egg.
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