It’s been one hell of a week, quite literally: financial panic, another shooting, and other disasters all seeking to remind us that the world is a terrifying place that offers little to no hope for humanity in the long term. When life gets like this, all you can do is look at a quickly growing Panda cub and dream of a better tomorrow—one in which One Direction isn’t splitting up. But for now, all we can offer is this: the pick of the World Wide Web’s stranger, less obvious stories over the last seven days. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll feel curiously hungry for a burger. Just wait.

Peace (And Calories) In Our Time

What Happened: To mark Peace Day, Burger King had an unexpected suggestion for McDonald’s.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, Blogs, Media Thinkpieces
What Really Happened: Peace could have been so tasty, if only big business hadn’t gotten in the way. This week, Burger King took out a full-page ad in the New York Times to suggest to competitor McDonald’s that the two companies mark next month’s International Day of Peace by coming together to create the McWhopper, a burger that combines both companies’ signature offerings.

The burger would be sold just for one day (September 21, the Day of Peace itself) and in one location: a pop-up restaurant in Atlanta, GA, exactly midway between both companies’ headquarters. The proposal included potential designs for packaging, staff uniforms, and a promotional hashtag—#settlethebeef—which would also be used in lieu of payment for the burgers. Instead, customers would pay by promising to make peace with enemies.

“All these ingredients come together to build the burger some said would never happen,” the proposal ends. “Some say the same thing about World Peace. Together, let’s prove them wrong on Peace Day, September 21, 2015.”

McDonald’s was not into the idea, dismissing it via Facebook. “We love the intention but think our two brands could do something bigger to make a difference. We commit to raise awareness worldwide, perhaps you’ll join us in a meaningful global effort?” wrote Steve Easterbrook, McDonald’s CEO, in the post. “Every day, let’s acknowledge that between us there is simply a friendly business competition and certainly not the unequaled circumstances of the real pain and suffering of war.”

The post ended, “A simple phone call will do next time.”

The weirdness of the response did not go unnoticed.

In fact, McDonald’s reply was so off that it became the narrative itself, with its answer being called “holier than thou” and “unamused and dismissive”. For now, it looks like the only way to have a McWhopper is to make it ourselves.

Okay. Maybe not.

The Takeaway: Sure, it’s an advertising gimmick and all, but if we can’t even get our fast food companies to come to a peaceful agreement, we’re totally screwed when it comes to the important stuff.

Delete Without Fear

What Happened: Twitter stepped in to ensure that politicians can delete dumb things they’ve shared with the Internet without fear.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, Blogs, Media Thinkpieces

What Really Happened: Good news for politicians whose Twitter fingers are faster than their brains: the social media company blocked accounts owned by digital transparency group the Open State Foundation last week, thereby disabling the OSF’s ability to log deleted tweets from politicians and diplomats. (This shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise; it did the same thing to a similar organization a couple of months ago.)

In a statement to the OSF, Twitter explained, “Imagine how nerve-racking—terrifying, even—tweeting would be if it was immutable and irrevocable? No one user is more deserving of that ability than another. Indeed, deleting a tweet is an expression of the user’s voice.” Which sounds good in theory, except that, you know, standards are generally different for public figures—especially politicians.

Arjan El Fassed of the OSF told The Guardian, “What elected politicians publicly say is a matter of public record. Even when tweets are deleted, it’s part of parliamentary history. These tweets were once posted and later deleted. What politicians say in public should be available to anyone. This is not about typos but it is a unique insight on how messages from elected politicians can change without notice.”

The shutdown gained much attention in the media, although it’s unclear how much of a splash was felt outside of that immediate circle. As we get closer to the Presidential election, of course, more people might start to wish there was a little bit more oversight on Political Twitter.

The Takeaway: Finally, social media starts democratizing the debate by letting the powerful pretend that they’ve never said anything objectionable! Wait, that doesn’t sound right….

You’re Life’s A Joke, You’re Broke, Your Love Life’s D.O.A.

What Happened: You only think you watched Friends. A new theory will explain what you didn’t realize about the Central Perk six.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, Blogs, Media Thinkpieces

What Really Happened: As a Friends marathon loomed on British television, one brave soul offered their take on how the final episode should have ended:

Apparently, the world had just been waiting for this theory, judging by the amount of coverage it received—something that its creator found both amusing and daunting, it seemed:

It’s true: No one told you it was going to be this way.

The Takeaway: “We were on a break” is the new “Paul is dead,” isn’t it? But this wasn’t the only reimagining of a favorite work available this week, oddly enough (Or, strangely enough, the only Friends-related oddness.)

Finally, Someone Points Out What The Karate Kid Was Really About

What Happened: You only think you watched The Karate Kid. A new theory will explain what you didn’t realize about the titular crane-kicker.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, Blogs, Media Thinkpieces

What Really Happened: The second of this week’s important cultural reinterpretations addresses the all-important issue of just who was really at fault in The Karate Kid. Spoilers: It wasn’t Johnny.

The argument might be a little tenuous, but that didn’t stop multiple seemingly reputable outlets embrace it. The reason why is simple: Nobody actually liked Daniel in the first place.

And if this seems a little familiar…

The Takeaway: Like it comes as a surprise to anyone that Daniel was the asshole. We all knew it from the first time we watched the movie, we just didn’t want to admit it out loud. And don’t get us started on The Karate Kid 2!

In Space, No One Can Hear You Pee (And Then Drink It)

What Happened: A dispute on the International Space Station about waste disposal.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, Blogs, Media Thinkpieces

What Really Happened: In outer space news this week, whiskey arrived on the International Space Station this week, but unfortunately for the crew, it wasn’t there to drink. Instead, it’s part of an experiment to see what effects microgravity have on spirits, which has to be doubly frustrating for the Astronauts and Cosmonauts on board because there’s currently disagreement on the station over whether or not pee is a worthwhile beverage or not. Apparently, the issue came up when supplies allowing the American crew to recycle their urine fell victim to recent troubles, meaning that they’d had to ration their recycling. The Russians on the station, however, don’t recycle their urine at all… instead, they literally leave that to the Americans. Yes, the Americans are drinking Russian pee; somewhere, Donald Trump is feeling really uncomfortable right now.

The difference in attitudes towards urine certainly caught the attention of the Internet, even if social media wasn’t convinced about the subject:

The Takeaway: Really, who expected a new Cold War to be a…[puts on sunglasses]…number one concern? Wait, where are you going? Come back!

And Now It’s Time For Our Special Guest

What Happened: Taylor Swift pulled out all the stops when it came to cameo appearances for her final L.A. gig—seriously, like every single stop you can imagine, she pulled it out. The Internet approved, but also had some suggestions.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, Blogs, Media Thinkpieces

What Really Happened: If you were one of the lucky few to make it to Taylor Swift’s final Staples Center concert this week (Okay, lucky thousands, but you know more people would’ve loved to be there), then you were witness first hand to history: not only did Taytay bring out Selena Gomez and Justin Timberlake to duet with—adding to a cast of cameos for the run that already included Beck, St. Vincent, Mary J. Blige, John Legend and Alanis Morisette—but she ended on a high note… or, at least, an intentionally off note. Swift’s final special guest, dear reader, was none other than Lisa Kudrow, playing her Friends character Phoebe Buffay. No, really.

Of course, the Internet went crazy with excitement at the teamup, but by far the best reactions came from people wondering where it would all end:

Salon even published a list of 30 people Taylor hadn’t performed with, adding “yet” just for safety’s sake. Sure, the list includes Glenn Danzig and Camille Paglia, but it’s probably just a matter of time.

The Takeaway: Just think: if Taylor could get One Direction on stage together (including Zayn, of course), Pop Internet might explode.

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While You Were Offline: Everything You Know About Friends Is Wrong!