It’s been a big week for the Internet, as the Associated Press has decided that it doesn’t deserve an upper case I anymore (well, as of June, at least; it’ll be doing the same for “web,” too). WIRED has previously written about this subject, but from a personal standpoint, it still feels like scientists declaring that Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. With that in mind, let’s talk about what you might have missed on the World Wide Web over the last seven days with upper cases foremost in our minds.

Have They Run Out of Privilege Yet?

What Happened: Calvin Trillin wrote a bad poem that saw print in The New Yorker. Surely you can imagine the rest.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media think pieces
What Really Happened: Look, there’s no getting around it: “Have They Run Out of Provinces Yet?” by Calvin Trillin is, at the very least, a pretty bad poem, if not offensively so; attempting to decry food tourism with lines like “Then when Shanghainese got in the loop/We slurped dumplings whose insides were soup” is… unfortunate, to be kind.

So unfortunate, in fact, that plenty of people noticed, vocally so. But if the media elite were unkind, that was nothing compared with Twitter’s response:

The Takeaway: Of course, it was only a matter of time before someone responded in a way that Trillin could doubtlessly appreciate: a poem called “Have They Run Out of White Poets Yet?” (The answer, sadly, is “no.”)


What Happened: The problem with attempting to respond to a hot-button topic with a meme is that it’s so easy to take that meme and start playing with it. Hillary Clinton supporters didn’t quite realize that as they attempted to defend their candidate.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter
What Really Happened: This one requires a little backstory for those not paying attention to the current political debates between Democratic presidential candidates. During an interview on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, Hillary Clinton attempted to dodge a question about whether or not she thought that her opponent Bernie Sanders was qualified to run for President, which itself spun out of a particularly problematic interview with Sanders in which he struggled to articulate how he’d practically achieve his goals.

While Clinton stayed away from directly saying that she didn’t think he was unqualified, the lack of an obvious affirmation of Sanders’ qualifications prompted Sanders to tell a Philadelphia crowd Wednesday night that he most definitely does not think that Clinton is herself qualified.

All of this prompted Clinton supporters to take to Twitter with the hashtag #HillarySoQualified to stick up for their choice:

So far so expected, right? Well, then Sanders supporters decided to usurp the hashtag for their own purposes:

If only there was some way to wrap all of this up in less than 140 characters…

That’ll do it.
The Takeaway: Suddenly, it’s becoming a little less surprising that a recent poll suggested that a quarter of Bernie supporters wouldn’t support Hillary if she won the nomination.

Forget Masters of Sex; We’ve Found Something Even Catchier

What Happened: In which a poor misguided gentleman—as he would surely describe himself—tried to make his feelings known on a particular subject, and in the process merely created a new meme that exposed his ridiculousness to all.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter
What Really Happened: It all started on Reddit when one particularly virulent example of women-hating from a discussion on that site was shared with the wider world. @Corsucating, if you’d be willing to share with the class…?

For those who aren’t into reading .jpgs of horrifically stupid people arguing ludicrous, idiotic points, the first comment argues that women are sociopaths that “show NO mercy” to men they think are unattractive; this (fictional) attitude, it’s argued, is “the same type of attitude that Hitler tried to exterminate Jews… women are just as bad as the worst racist of murder[er, sic] in world history.” The second commenter agrees, saying, “This is legit. Women are the hitlers of sex (especially if you count the way they treat unattractive ethnics, like asians and indians).”

Yes, “ethnics.” The language always favored by the enlightened.

But, wait. Let’s rewind to the sentence before that, shall we?

The Takeaway: Let’s, for one second, ignore the absolute wrongness of the concept “women are the Hitlers of sex,” and actually address it full on: Are there other historical world leaders of sex? Is there a Napoleon of sex? A Stalin of sex? Is there a Ronald Reagan of sex? If there is, we demand that the whiny sad boys of the Internet immediately start identifying all of these sexual world figures and show your reasoning for why someone is, say, the King George II of sex, and not the King William IV of sex.

Digital Witnesses, What’s the Point Of Even Sleeping?

What Happened: Satirical website ClickHole was a little too convincing with its satire of the way the Internet treats celebrities.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs
What Really Happened: A regular feature of ClickHole is a roundup of what celebrities are saying, even though none of the quotes are real (or, to extend the joke, even that interesting). To wit:

The problem is, not everyone gets the joke.

No sooner had Annie Clark (aka St. Vincent) tweeted her confusion than her fans descended to share their unhappiness at her gullibility:

To her credit, Clark quickly admitted her mistake—

But that didn’t stop the Internet from acting schaudenfruede-y.

Still, it’s not as if Clark was alone in her gullibility. Let’s just be happy it all ended so well.

The Takeaway: Everyone else might be acting as if Clark overreacted initially, but have we so soon forgotten that George Clooney recently had to tell the world that an entire interview with him was entirely fabricated? The Internet is, increasingly, an ever more strange and treacherous place for celebrities.

Dog’s Best Friend

What Happened: However much you might love your dog, I promise you that you don’t love your dog as much as this man.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs
What Really Happened: We were going to start this off by saying, “Well, there’s this game called Skyrim…” but, really, this Twitter screed works amazingly with or without context. Just keep reading.

Unsurprisingly, this thread was picked up by gaming sites, but it was the Twitter feedback that properly displayed the appropriate response:

The Takeaway: We can’t be the only ones who read all of this and suddenly thought of this, right?

The new advertising campaign for Skyrim starts here.

See more here:

While You Were Offline: #HillarySoQualified Quickly Turns Into #HashtagSoHijacked