It’s been a rough week for … well, everyone; as if hacks of Experian and, to a far lesser degree, Patreon weren’t disturbing enough, Thursday brought mass shootings at Umpqua Community College in Oregon and Inglis, Florida, as well as a fiery response from President Obama, which (of course) led to much complaining from those who believe that gun rights are more important than stopping kids from getting shot in schools with alarming frequency. Oh, and the Pope hung out with Kim Davis (but didn’t support her, according to the Vatican), disappointing those who wanted him to be Super Liberal Pope the First.

It’s been a good time for Trevor Noah to take over as Daily Show host, perhaps, but something that can overwhelm the Average Joe (or Joanne, or Jo, for that matter) with the feeling that the world is a horrible and exhausting place with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. To those afflicted with such melancholy, We have but one thing to say: Wait until you find out about Peeple. As happens every week, these are some stories you might have missed from the last seven days of the web.

The Power of Good Bad Design

What Happened: Party Cannon’s logo made the obscure band social media stars.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter

What Really Happened: This really needs no explanation.

The Takeaway: Let’s be real: That Party Cannon logo is genius. Who had even heard of the band before this happened?* People can make fun all they want, but we’re all still talking about Party Cannon. (*Note: I’m sure people had, so please don’t leave comments to be a death metal hipster.)

App Development and Condiments (Reprise)

What Happened: Someone came up with an app described as “Yelp for People,” as if to prove that people are the very worst.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: People got their first glimpse at Peeple earlier this week, when a Washington Post article brought the prospective app—which allows users to rate other people based on their interactions with them—to everyone’s attention. And everyone’s reaction, it seems was a simple do not want.

Websites argued over what made it the worst idea. Was it because people are terrible, or because it would reinforce insincere positivity? Is it an exciting method to destroy people, or just a way of “uplifting each other”? OK, so it’s definitely not that last one, which came from founder Julia Cordray, who found herself dealing with the downside of social media this week in an impressive show of irony:

While all this was going on, Snopes spoke up as the voice of reason to suggest that, hey, maybe none of this was actually real. If only that turns out to be the case, especially since we’ve actually seen Peeple before:

The Takeaway: No, but really; this is some kind of surreal performance art advertising the new Netflix season of Black Mirror, right?

But She’s Not There

What Happened: Lena Dunham (accidentally?) trolls the internet by complaining about internet trolls.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: In a recent interview, Lena Dunham revealed she’s left certain trappings of the internet behind. “I used to read Gawker and Jezebel in college and be like, ‘I can’t wait to get to New York where my people will be to welcome me,’” she said at one point. “It’s like, it’s literally, if I read it, it’s like going back to a husband who beat me in the face—it just doesn’t make any sense.”

Strong words—and ones that Dunham would quickly apologize for, writing on Instagram, “I wasn’t making a joke about domestic violence—I was over emphatic in my attempt to capture how damaging the internet can be (not just to celebrities)”—but surprisingly, those weren’t the comments that grabbed the most attention. (Even Gawker and Jezebel didn’t seem to respond.) No, the comments that got people talking were Dunham’s revelation that she’s over Twitter.

“I really appreciate that anybody follows me at all, and so I didn’t want to cut off my relationship to it completely, but it really, truly wasn’t a safe space for me,” she said, explaining that she hasn’t deleted her account, just given control of it to an assistant (Dunham doesn’t even know the password, she says). Which, on the face of it, is a perfectly sensible thing to do, especially in light of comments like this:

And yet, apparently, this was big news, prompting concern and analysis for reasons not entirely clear. (Well, and also a surprising amount of rightwing gloating.) How best for Dunham to deal with this particular reaction? Why, on Twitter of course:

B-but… how can we trust that tweet? What if it’s Lena’s assistant pretending to be Lena?

The Takeaway: There’s some kind of commentary to be made here about the way in which the Internet En Masse really does seem to be more concerned with being ignored than being hated or feared (take a hint, X-Men), but why bother making it? It’s not like Lena would see it.

Competitive Advantage

What Happened: Amazon has discovered the best way to promote sales of its Fire TV and Fire TV stick products—stop selling the competition. Turns out, people aren’t in favor of this innovation.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: In a way, the news that Amazon will stop selling the Google Chromecast and Apple TV at the end of this month is a move that makes a strange amount of sense. After all, those two devices are direct competitors to Amazon’s own Fire TV product and Amazon Prime Video. (The official reason is that, because those devices don’t support Amazon Prime streaming, they’re causing customer confusion.) And yet the move was news to many due to the anti-customer service on show. The customer is always right, unless they want a different product, apparently.

It was an announcement that angered customers and was declared “unbelievably stupid” (although not everyone agrees), but since when have either of those things prevented business decisions being made? Those wanting to buy Apple TVs or Chromecasts, you have until Oct. 29 to do so via Amazon. Consider it a pre-Halloween treat.

The Takeaway: This is when everyone finds out just how strong consumer apathy really is. After all, it’s not like customers won’t know that Apple and Google sell similar products to the Kindle TV; it’s just that it might seem like too much effort to open another browser tab and go to another site to buy one. If Kindle TV sales rise dramatically as a result of this move, I think we can all be that little bit more disappointed with ourselves.

The Very Model of 27 Ways to Be A Modern Man

What Happened: The New York Times had some advice for those seeking to become modern men. Others saw this as an opportunity to add their own advice.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: From the title alone, you could tell that the New York Times“27 Ways to Be a Modern Man” would be a winner. Especially when those ways include “the modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege,” and “before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.” Twitter, what did you make of it?

While some considered the piece to be just plain weird, others saw fit to write point-by-point rebuttals of it, just to ensure that no idea was left unchallenged. (No, really: more than one person spent the time to do that.)

Thankfully, some saw the original piece as reason to create their own definitions of modern masculinity. So now we have 27 Real Ways to Be a Modern Man (“6. Buy a freezer, name it Richard”), 27 Ways to Be a Real Modern Man (“9. Having a good woman and kids makes the modern man more of a complete person. He pities husbands whose wives aren’t as hot as his.” No, I promise you, that’s really what it says), 27 Ways to Be a Modern Man… in Bed (“16. When a woman is ready for spontaneous intercourse in a public arena, the modern man is more than willing to accommodate her and secure a discreet location”) and 27 Ways to Be a Modern San Francisco Man (“11. Crying isn’t taboo for the modern S.F. man: He’ll gush infinite public tears when he finds out the guy he wrote off at the incubator got more startup funding than he did”), amongst many others.

Modernity is so confusing, isn’t it?

The Takeaway: Modern? Who wants to be modern when you can be postmodern? You people are all living in the past.

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While You Were Offline: Metal Band Party Cannon Turns Its Logo Up to 11