If there’s been a common theme to this week’s shenanigans on the Internet, it’s been that people are at war with each other. And not just the regular kind of “Internet people are jerks to each other because it’s the Internet” kind of war, either; this was a week where surprise beefs just kept appearing out of nowhere, each one more surreal than the last. Was something in retrograde? Something must have been in retrograde. Here, then, are the tiffs and verbal dustups behind the last seven days on this, our wild World Wide Web.

Time Earth is a Flat Circle

What Happened: It’s the interspectacular rap battle you’ve been waiting for, as B.o.B. faces off against Neil deGrasse Tyson after making claims that the Earth is, in actuality, really flat.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media think pieces

What Really Happened: The week got off to an unexpected start when rapper B.o.B. started sharing his theories about the shape of the Earth on Twitter:

His tweets prompted much concern and hilarity amongst Twitter followers, as well as both explanations and defenses from the media. However, one media figure just couldn’t stand by while science was being debased. The same media figure who can never stand by when anyone—or anything, including fictionalized narratives in worlds with alternate laws of physics—takes science anything other than 100 percent literally: Neil deGrasse Tyson.

B.o.B. wasn’t convinced (in a tweet since deleted, he responded, “Why can’t the curvature of the earth be measured anywhere in nature? why does only NASA have photos of the curve? r u a mason?”), but he did take that line about Neil enjoying his music to heart… and dropped a track—also since deleted—where he not only dissed NGT, he also cited Holocaust denier David Irving.

The whole thing was amazing, with lyrics like “Aye, Neil Tyson need to loosen up his vest/They’ll probably write that man one hell of a check” and “I see only good things on the horizon/That’s probably why the horizon is always rising/Indoctrinated in a cult called science/And graduated to a club full of liars,” although the surprise highlight (OK, lowlight) was likely, “Stalin was way worse than Hitler/That’s why the POTUS gotta wear a Kipper.” The track was called “Flat Line,” after the chorus, which went, “Flat line flat line/You fooled us for the last time/Flat line flat line/There’s no superior blood line.”

As if this wasn’t getting surreal enough, deGrasse Tyson then responded with his own track. Well, almost:

The track in question comes from his nephew, and includes the lyric, “Very important that I clear this up/You say that Neil’s vest is what he needs to loosen up?/The ignorance you’re spinning helps to keep people enslaved, I mean mentally.” Recognizing game, B.o.B. de-escalated things:

So, while the lame stream media played up the conflict between the two, it’s just like Madonna once so poignantly sang: music makes the people come together.

The Takeaway: But, uh, you guys do all know that the Earth isn’t actually flat, right? I mean, sure, Neil deGrasse Tyson can be offputtingly pedantic and all, but he’s not actually wrong here…

Kanye Distracts The Internet’s Entire Creative Process

What Happened: A simple misunderstanding broke the Internet. But, in everyone’s defense, the misunderstanding was Kanye West’s.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: As we pointed out Wednesday, Kanye West went off on Wiz Khalifa on Twitter midweek over what turned out to be a misunderstanding, and … well, to be honest, he pretty much brought the Internet to a halt in the process.

For those who missed the original kerfuffle, the short version of what happened was that Wiz tweeted this:

…which Kanye took as a reference to his wife Kim Kardashian, and responded—well, we were going to say appropriately, but the thing that made everyone sit up and take notice was how impressively oversize the reaction was. (Most of the tweets are gone, but you can read them here.) Especially considering that Wiz wasn’t actually talking about Kardashian:

But, you know, it’s easy to see why Kanye would’ve made the mistake; it’s not like Wiz had previously made a track called “KK” about the damn thing.

Oh. Never mind.

Anyway, in retrospect, what’s amazing about Ye’s rant isn’t the rant itself, but everything that followed, as the Internet tried to come to terms with what had happened. As parts of the rant became immediate memes and BuzzFeed quiz fodder, the Internet sought to place what had just happened into context. Was Kanye thinking deeply about the big subjects? Perhaps Vox could explain things to readers who had no idea what was going on. Or maybe The Week, for an even less likely to understand audience.

The (non-)fight made headlines everywhere as if no one could really understand what just happened.

Thankfully social media was here to help.

Oh, and why did Kanye delete the tweets?

Well, that’s one potential reason, but many people think it’s because Amber Rose—Kanye and Wiz’s mutual ex, and someone who was collateral damage in West’s deleted rant—got involved by posting this:

That was posted before the tweets were deleted. And then, after the tweets were deleted, she posted this:

As #buttstuff started trending on Twitter as a result (no, really), West felt the need to clarify that, no, of course he’s not into that:

If there’s one highlight to come from this whole thing—besides the phrase “you have distracted from my creative process,” of course—it might be this last exchange. Kanye, you’re looking mighty nervous over there.

The Takeaway: There are so many takeaways! Kanye is quick to rush to hilarious self-righteousness? The Internet equally quick to jump on it because it’s Kanye? The seeming ease with which Kanye can come up with perfect meme material? But really, Mr. West probably just wants us to focus on the two most important things: that Waves, his new album, is coming out soon and that he definitely isn’t into anal play whatsoever, no sir, why would you ever say such a thing?

This Week’s No, Really, What The Hell? Moment

What Happened: As if deGrasse Tyson/B.o.B. wasn’t strange enough, this week saw a second entirely unexpected beef, as Ghostface Killah and Martin Shkreli have gone to war. With unintentionally hilarious results.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs

What Really Happened: This one is just nuts. Remember supervillain-in-training Martin Shkreli, the guy who hiked prices on a life-saving drug and was then arrested by the FBI on charges of securities fraud? And remember that he bought the sole copy of that Wu-Tang Clan album?

Well, it turns out that the Clan’s Ghostface Killah isn’t too happy about any of that, according to an interview he gave TMZ. “That shithead bought it, you know what I mean?” he said, referring to Shkreli. “You don’t take some AIDS pill that you have for seven dollars, and make it like eight hundred dollars. You don’t do that, I don’t care if you bought the Wu-Tang whatever.”

While many—some would say, the majority—would agree, the real world Lex Luthor wannabe wasn’t amused:

Well, OK; that’s actually a pretty good burn. But it turns out, Ghostface wasn’t going to take that lying down. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT_3o4-9WPw Oh, shit. You don’t insult a man’s Michael Jackson nose and not expect a response, right? Shkreli was so upset that his response had its own Twitter teaser.

While that tweet might have seemed like someone going “Yeah? Yeah? I’m gonna have a great comeback, you just wait!” and then running away crying, it turned out that Shkreli’s response was well worth waiting for:

Amazing, right? It raises so many questions: Who are those random dudes behind Shkreli? Why is he pretending to be a gangster? Given that no one else will ever hear the Wu-Tang album, in what way is removing the Ghostface verses a threat at all? Has this man ever left his house? As you might expect, the Internet had to respond:

Of course, the video immediately went viral, because how could it not? It’s not every day that a disgraced CEO who is under federal investigation threatens a rapper via a video in which he is surrounded by, let’s be honest, actors or bodyguards dressed in hoodies and masks to disguise their blushes. This is something that deserved to be seen by all. Oh, yeah; and after TMZ tweeted that Shkreli was the “absolute worst,” he called in to TMZ Live just to say that he wasn’t threatening Ghostface, really, and by the way, he deserves respect and he’ll defeat the legal charges against him. How is this man even real? The Takeaway: Take it away, Twitter:

Twitterosum Lessononia!

What Happened: Next up in this parade of social media war: the woman who wrote Harry Potter taking on a member of the British Parliament. No, really.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Natalie McGarry is a British Parliament member who can’t seem to avoid controversy. She came to Parliament last May as part of the Scottish National Party’s massive sweep to power (The party won 56 of 59 seats in Scotland), only to become embroiled in a scandal over disappearing donations. Suspended from the SNP, she became an independent MP, and then this week, got into a fight on Twitter with J.K. Rowling that may see her sued for defamation of character. (You have to wonder what her constituents feel about her performance, don’t you?)

What led to this dramatic tweet from Rowling—

—was a six hour fight on Twitter between the author and the MP, over whether or not Rowling supported, in McGarry’s words, “a misogynist Twitter troll.” It all started here:

The conversation, which is now impossible to share thanks to McGarry having deleted tweets and locked her account, centered around the accusation that Rowling had positive interactions with a pseudonymous account that takes delight in baiting, trolling and outright insulting Scottish nationalists—something that was actually true, because said account had donated money to Rowling’s charity, Lumos. After much back and forth where Rowling asked for proof that she had defending trolling as a practice, McGarry sent a tweet seemingly backing down. “On reflection, I do apologize for any misguided inference that you support misogyny or abuse instead of the folk you tweet,” it read. And then a McGarry supporter stepped in to defend the MP:

McGarry herself soon shared that image as proof, and seemingly recanted her apology. The only problem was the tweets weren’t related at all, as Rowling pointed out:

After McGarry argued that Rowling’s interactions with the abusive account implied support for all of its tweets, Rowling responded:

…which led to the tweet where the author seemingly threatened legal action. (As of writing, no legal action had been taken.)

The surreal spat made headlines across the Internet, unsurprisingly, but even as the McGarry supporter apologized for his role in proceedings—

—the two primary parties have gone silent on the matter; McGarry by taking her Twitter private and Rowling by moving on to more important matters:

The Takeaway: If only there was some way of keeping this story going longer! Say, getting another successful Scottish author involved, somehow…

Social Media + Corporate Mascots = Not Grrrrrrrreat!

What Happened: Poor Tony the Tiger, who’s apparently had enough of admirers on social media. Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media think pieces What Really Happened: Okay, enough of the fighting. Let’s close out this week by turning our attention to romance. Well, unwanted romance. Well, okay, fine: unwanted affection. Tony the Tiger, the fictional corporate mascot of Kelloggs’ Frosted Flakes, had a bit of an image problem this week, when it emerged that the Twitter count belonging to the character had taken to pre-emptively blocking furries after receiving tweets like this:

The resulting furor got its own hashtag (#TonyTigerGate) as furries tried to share their plight with the world:

The media was happy to oblige; the story quickly spread, far and wide, with some even comparing Tony’s seeming prudishness with other fictional mascots’ reactions.

In the end, Tony was forced to make a coded apology:

Now that’s g-r-r-ea—too obvious? Okay, I won’t go there, then.

The Takeaway: Has anyone checked in on the Energizer Bunny lately? We’re suddenly very worried.

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While You Were Offline: Twitter’s Got More Beef Than a Steakhouse