Oh, Internet. You are such a cornucopia of delights and terrors in one infinite virtual box, it’s a wonder that humanity allows you to exist at all. If this week hasn’t been about discussing whether Obama is better than Putin, it’s been about live-tweeting the live-streamed product announcement of a giant tech corporation or telling the world that men prematurely age women through an invisible essence of some kind. While you have been getting worked up over other things, here are some high- and lowlights from the last seven days on the Internet.

And Don’t Get Us Started on the Battery Life…

What Happened: Apple made another innovative leap forward on Wednesday, by announcing that everyone will hate its new earphones. Sure, they didn’t actually say that, but they might as well have.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter
What Really Happened: As you might already know, Apple’s keynote this week revealed not only a new Apple Watch and iPhone—you anticipated both things, surely—but also… this:

Yes, AirPods! Headphones that wirelessly connect to your device, meaning that the cords won’t get tangled anymore! Isn’t that what everyone in the world has been waiting for? Apparently not, if you read Twitter.

OK, sure, so some people might have a problem keeping them in their ears, but—

—sure, fine, they might get lost, but you could always buy—

fine. They’re expensive and they won’t stay in and they’ll probably get lost. Come on, people! This is what innovation looks like! We have to try new things! What’s with this defeatist attitude? Does anyone have any other complaints?!?

Actually, that’s a fair point.

The Takeaway: As it turns out, some are cynical of the very concept that anyone would voluntarily want to use Apple’s earbuds no matter which generation:

Where In The World Is Political Reporting?

What Happened: What happens when you get the Today show’s Matt Lauer to moderate a serious political forum? Apparently, you upset the Internet.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened:As part of NBC’s Commander-in-Chief Forum this week, Today show host Matt Lauer found himself grilling both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump on what made them properly prepared for the White House. Except that most everyone doesn’t really think that Lauer really grilled Trump at all. Media coverage was brutal, criticizing the morning host, but Twitter was just as kind:

That last tweet ended up launching its own hashtag, as #LaueringTheBar started spreading across the Internet:

No, that’s not the real Hillary account. After all, the Clinton campaign wouldn’t seek to make anything of what was essentially a bad interview by a journalist. Oh, wait, never mind.
The Takeaway: Once again, everyone getting up in arms about this, let’s put what happened in some perspective.

Oh, Sure, This Will Definitely Work Out

What Happened: According to midweek reports, North Korea took the bold move of outlawing sarcasm.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: As surreal as it sounds—and, really, it sounds like an Onion headline— North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has banned sarcasm in the country, reportedly because he was getting sick of people agreeing with him “ironically.”

As absolutely insane as this seems, the highlight of the story might have been the fact that Twitter’s response was apparently the result of a hive mind decision to respond in the only appropriate manner: sarcastically.

The Takeaway: Well, at least one Twitter-er made the decision to try and explain what Kim Jong-un’s sarcastic hell must have been like for him to make such a dramatic move:

The Italian Job

What Happened: Speaking of strange international laws, guess what’s legal to do in public in Italy now and will make you go blind according to urban legend?
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: Elsewhere in unexpected international legal decisions, Italy’s supreme court ruled that public masturbation is legal. Paging creepy Twitter:

The Takeaway: Really, this has to be one of the stranger legal decisions in recent memory. It’s not like Italian courts are going to be doing anything as unexpected anytime soo—



What Happened: An op-ed writer explained why he would never date a feminist, and then the Internet exploded.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter
What Really Happened: On the face of it, publishing an article on the Internet titled “Why I’ll Never Date A Feminist feels either like an obvious troll, or the actions of someone who really doesn’t understand how the Internet works. Given that the piece, by “Dave Hon, Columnist,” features lines like “The truth is, I don’t blame women, (especially in my generation) for hating men. They’ve been told there’s a wage gap (I disagree). That there’s a culture of rape on college campuses (I also disagree). And the patriarchy is keeping them oppressed in almost every facet of their lives (I really, really disagree.),” you might think that it really is just trolling, but here’s the thing—no matter what the initial intent was, the Internet fell for it.

Soon enough, #NeverDateAFeminist was trending on Twitter, bringing the gender culture wars to horrifying light:

…Yeah. So, that was clearly going well. Of course, the hashtag was also used by those seeking to undermine the misogyny:

While the man responsible for the article found himself enjoying the attention—

—the hashtag only really came alive when people stopped taking it seriously:

The Takeaway: In summation…

That seems about right.

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While You Were Offline: Yeah North Korea Really Chill of You to Ban Sarcasm